Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

~ Bob Hope ~

Your Cats in Command

February 21st, 2012 ~ Est. reading time: 1 min, 23 secs

"C'mon, you know which cat is in charge?"

You might think you’re in charge, but if you’ve got a cat or two then think again.

Ever since we got a bad case of the cats, things have never been the same.

For starters cats, like dogs, enjoy dominating your day. These beasts throw themselves across your path and strike elegant poses, begging for attention. Then they gently wave an outstretched paw, as if to say, “If you really loved me, you’d give my tummy a tickle.” Ignoring it is impossible without feeling remorse.

Then there’s the Hallelujah Chorus of meows. One mew means “Look at me!”  Two mews means “I’m here. Keep looking at me” and three mews means “Will you just do as you’re told and look?”

Actually, there are different meows for all hours. There’s the meow about breakfast. The meow about going out, and the meow requesting calm to minimize fright. That’s so the poor pussycat can relax and settle down for the night. Like learning travelling German, these basics will see new cat hosts through for starters. But you really need further cat linguistics to know what’s going on.

Scallywag, alias, Scall, Scally, Scallathumpian, Scallyfred, and so on, will occasionally employ a demanding call that triggers a quick shot of charades to interpret.

Okay. You want to go out? No? Not out? I know, you want a pat? No? Cats’ crackers. That’s it! Cats’ crackers. No…”

Like shed fur on a woolen skirt, this search for cat meaning weaves into the fabric of day-to-day affairs. So everything gets done to fit with and around what the cat needs. By degrees, this subtle cat-controlling behavior rounds us up to do the bidding of whatever our hairy beasts want. But that’s the price of having cats. Apart from continually steering you fridge-ward, they’re the biggest timewasters you’ve ever met. Which is probably precisely why they are also such a delight.


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