Scallywag

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

~ Groucho Marx ~

Yoga Mr Feegs Style

January 22nd, 2012 ~ Est. reading time: 2 mins, 14 secs

Did you know that yoga helps you find lost contact lenses?

As a kid, she amazed me. The way she calmly switched from sitting cross-legged into pulling her ankles over her shoulders. Before you started asking, “Shouldn’t we draw the curtains?” she had already led thousands of TV yoga devotees into acts of unspeakable flexibility.

Swami Mommy (not her real name though she was both) astounded me. How did she manage to twist herself into the human version of a pretzel and still manage to smile calmly at the camera, whilst managing to drink tea without spilling a drop? With kid thinking, I wondered if she suddenly unraveled in a twisted heap during the commercial breaks, cursing about her bad backache, bruised buttocks, and cramping toes. If she did, it wasn’t obvious. With a serene “welcome back” she would deftly adopt what looked like the ‘teetering-on-a-toilet-bowl-rim-on-one-knee’ position, telling her home viewers to breathe normally. As you do.

With names sadly unpronounceable to me, I gave her yoga poses names of my own.

There was the Look Out the Back Flex allowing devotees to tilt their head backwards whilst arching their spine enough to check if they had left the door open behind them. Then there was the Toenail Nose Rub, the Through the Knees Heads Up, and the Underarm Carpet Sniff. All of them demanded impossible flexibility and poise. Whilst, the Clasping Sphincter Grasp left me wondering whether if it was a camera trick. But of course, in those days, superimposed graphics consisted of rear vision window scenes of disappearing road, as actors sat in mockup studio cars, occasionally jiggling for realism.

So, however she did it, it must have been real. I tried of course to have a go too. But Swami Mommy’s yoga was beyond me. I wondered how many other people at home were trying to get their ankles around the back of their neck whilst simultaneously nursing aching areas.

Poise and incredible flexibility were only part of her yoga package. What Swami Mommy had most was a gracious calm. I admired that warm friendliness she exuded over the black and white screen, as she elegantly hoisted one leg vertically into the air and casually held it stock still for the rest of the show.

Now I know I am lacking in the kind of yoga flexibility people admire. But if you will, I can at least offer you one exercise. Call it Yoga, Mr Feegs Style.

First, if you haven’t already, get comfortable. If the cat comes in just ignore it. Now roll your shoulders gently and rhythmically a few times as you breath in deeply. Good.  Has the cat come in again to see what’s going on? If so, shoo him out. Now, put one hand behind your head as you take a big breath in and then out. Now, put your other hand behind your head too, gently pushing your head back in the chair. Breathe normally now, and relax.

There. This position can be held for as long as it’s comfortable, or until the cat returns. I cannot vouch for any dramatic benefits, but it’s likely that if you repeat this yoga feat at least several times a week, you and your cat will get along just fine.

Feegs

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