The greatest part of our happiness depends on our dispositions, not our circumstances.

~ Martha Washington ~

Yes This Will Draw People To You

January 1st, 2013 ~ Est. reading time: 2 mins, 38 secs

Yes, like attracts like.

It’s true; yes, we all like to be appreciated. But that doesn’t always happen, does it? Some people will treat you badly no matter what you say or do.

But it’s also true that we do things that push people away. And, yes, often I suspect we don’t even realize we are doing it.

So, what helps draw people to you? Supermodel looks? Money? Power and status? If these aren’t your ace cards, take heart, for there are much more enduring aspects that appeal. Yes, outgoing folk have been shown to be more popular. But what if you tend to be more reserved, or shy? What can you do to draw people to you?

We all like to know whom we are dealing with. Mentally, we subconsciously tick boxes off with everyone we meet. Is he an honest person? Does she show that she cares about others? Every positive “yes” we get is like a signal to potentially invest more of ourselves into that relationship.

Of course, everybody’s checklist will have differences reflecting their values and interests. Yet, essentially, people want to know whether what they see matches up with what they get.

Recently, a dear friend of ours told how she was invited to visit a long time friend who virtually begged her to come and visit interstate. So she said, “yes she would come” and made the arrangements. But, when she reconfirmed when her flight would arrive, her friend reneged, making some feeble excuse that it was now inconvenient.

This kind of insincerity often happens at more basic levels, with platitudes like: “yes let’s do lunch” and “why don’t you come over sometime?” Certainly, they aren’t meant to be discourteous. But when you think about it, these fillers are signs of artificial kindness.

Better to say nothing if the alternative is to offer phony expressions of friendship. Let your yes be yes and your no, no is timely advice – even if it was written about two thousand years ago.  We all value genuineness. Which is why, shy people can find a compelling edge.

Typically, people less inclined to waffle on are more sincere, valuing genuineness with a passion. That’s why they don’t talk for the sake of it. They’d rather hold back than compromise their sincerity. Is that out of step with the popular fashion of loudly trumpeting anything to get recognition? Yes, definitely. Which makes warm sincerity a powerful point of difference.

Speaking honestly, with true feelings about everyday issues, is welcomed by many because it cuts through all the ego of “look at me” attention seeking. Deciding to be authentic to your temperament means you have a natural energy to draw on and, yes, even shyer types have that.

The essential thing to remember is that nobody draws everybody to himself or herself. By being authentic in a gracious way that’s genuinely welcoming, you will draw people like you. Folk who share your values will find you most appealing, and they’ll particularly appreciate that who you present is who you turn out to be. So, yes, you don’t need to be anything else than your welcoming self to find people who will appreciate you.

Yes, for the sake of being brief, I’m being simplistic as we all have rough edges that need polishing off. Which are why, wise friends can also help give our presentation more shine.

For some of us, who are more individual in character, finding people like ourselves can be tricky. So, yes, it’s worth remembering that the broader our appreciation and tastes, the more likely we will attract a wider variety. Just remember authenticity, because your particular character is what gives you your unique appeal.

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No You Can’t – Yes You Can!




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