Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

~ George Burns ~

Woman Impossible

August 31st, 2012 ~ Est. reading time: 1 min, 59 secs

Who is Woman Impossible?

Okay, Woman Impossible! Come out from behind that seaweed mask. We know you’re in there. Come out with your hands waving and your feet dancing.

The fact is, your typical Woman Impossible is one weird character. Having managed to stave off her weight to a level of skinniness only a mere 5% of women can fit in, she’s half starving. But she’s never hungry because she gets all the energy she needs from only half a stick of celery and herb tea.

But that’s nothing. You should see how wonderful Woman Impossible is with men. Fancy having such a perfect love life with her six-pack hunk, after all of those other perfect relationships she has enjoyed before. How does she do it?

Guess she never told you. Woman Impossible works out about 4 hours a day at the gym and 2 at the mirror. What with her professional career as a forensic researcher/neurosurgeon/lawyer, she keeps pretty busy.

Oh and you’ve got to love her kids. They’re both so happy and full of fizz and cuteness. Like Woman Impossible’s parents, they’re simply too adorable for words.

By the way, I have to say how incredible it was seeing Woman Impossible snap back into shape after giving birth to her two children (natural of course). Back to her super svelte figure in less than 2 weeks. Amazing! Must be the kickboxercise zumba she does in-between doing weights.

You’ve got hand it to her. Woman Impossible is drop dead gorgeous! At her age it’s a crime. But she makes it all look so easy. Like her jet-setting lifestyle, new cars in the garage, wonderful house, and impeccable taste in fashion and design, she has it all. I understand she moonlights for a major fashion magazine too. But she says that’s just a hobby. Like her interest in photography, horse riding, and relaxing at the country club, she likes to be active.

Yes, Woman Impossible really is someone else. But not anyone you know in this lifetime because she doesn’t exist.  She’s as ludicrous as the women who joyously run in slow motion over sun kissed grassy fields because they have better “protection” or photoshopped hair. When it comes to the illusion of media, real women don’t get a look in.

But that’s okay, because real women whip Woman Impossible in every genuine contest there is. Real women stay up longer cradling their colicky babies, express full-bodied emotions, learn humility and courage by living an authentic life, and earn their efforts with hard work and honesty. When the going gets tough Woman Impossible doesn’t just break a heel, she vanishes into a puff of phony smoke. So here’s to all the marvelous women of the world who deserve acclaim. Thank you, for doing what you do and, through your presence, making this world a better place.


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