Scallywag

Happiness is beneficial for the body, but it is grief that develops the powers of the mind.

~ Marcel Proust ~

When It’s Your Wedding Anniversary

May 15th, 2013 ~ Est. reading time: 2 mins, 13 secs

Hooray for wedding anniversary celebrations!

Hooray for wedding anniversary celebrations!

I remember my parent’s wedding anniversary in detail. It was their 25th and we kids were getting into the spirit of it with kitsch signs and decorations. But it was fun.

Back then, it seemed to me that my parents were always hovering close to one hundred years old. But now, I know they were in that indefinite zone of being neither young nor particularly old. Given it was their Silver Wedding Anniversary, they couldn’t have been much older than me now.

But you know kids, and we were no exception. I recall my parents kissing too. It was the first time I ever saw them do it. They would have skipped it, but for the egging from party revelers. With a kind of forced formality they puckered up and did it as everyone clapped and cheered.

Now here we are celebrating our thirty-first wedding anniversary and we can hardly believe it. When it’s your first, second or third anniversary, you take it all very differently. And so it goes through to your tenth, twentieth, and even your twenty-fifth.

Having past the seemingly auspicious thirtieth wedding anniversary mark, we’re pretty mellow about celebrating. After all, low-key events can be enjoyable times too.

Yet, early on, it’s all-new and seems so crucial. To miss a wedding anniversary event would be catastrophic. But actually it isn’t. What matters most isn’t the big events but all the little things in between. Like how we show love for each other in a day-to-day sense. Those moments of touch, eye contact, and expressions of kindness and thanks that say “you matter to me”. They build the relationship more than releasing a thousand doves while violins play, and serving canapés on the lawn (or in our case,  sharing a bar of chocolate and a bottle of wine).

The biggest brightest and best bits of being together are hidden in the mundane, not the dramatic. A beautiful life together isn’t about fanfares but a conversation that wends its way through every day. A conversation that flows throughout all the matters of family, keeping house, and work life, and ties them together with intimacy and trust

Is it great to actively celebrate your wedding anniversaries and  share your good news? You bet. It’s right to enjoy the here and now, be a bit frivolous and celebrate with affection. Because a marriage that’s happy really is something special. But as to how much you celebrate? Well, there’s no particular recipe.

But I suggest at least including the following:

  1. Think back on how things were, and enjoy a taste of the old days together.
  2. Delight in your shared company today. Whatever you have or haven’t got, at least you have each other.
  3. Consider your relationship in the future and how you can keep being close (or else get closer) to make your relationship build you both up to be better people.

How you celebrate your wedding anniversary together is entirely up to you (there are no right or wrong ways to it). What matters is that  you mark the occasion with togetherness and be openly thankful for the partner you have.

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Feegs

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