Scallywag

Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length.

~ Robert Frost ~

What Funny Quotes?

October 29th, 2012 ~ Est. reading time: 1 min, 40 secs

What makes you think need funny quotes?

When it comes to funny quotes or sayings some people manage to reel them off without hesitation. While others, go into sustained silence, struggling to think of anything even vaguely amusing. If you ever find yourself feeling stuck for funny quotes about life then these are for you:

“All you need is love. But a bit of chocolate now and then won’t hurt.” Anon

Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.”  William Shakespeare

“In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.” Rita Rudner

“Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV.” Jerry Seinfeld

“I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.” Rodney Dangerfield

“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.”  Brooke Shields

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly. “   Demetri Martin

“I failed to make the chess team because of my height.”  Woody Allen

“I don’t deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either.”  Jack Benny

“Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.”  George Burns

What’s right is what’s left if you do everything else wrong.” Robin Williams

A large nose is the mark of a witty, courteous, affable, generous and liberal man.” Cyrano de Bergerac

“Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?” Elayne Boosler

“If it’s the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?” Robin Williams

“I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something’s wrong with me.” Elayne Boosler

“Witty inspirations are the proverbs of the educated.” Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel

“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” Robin Williams

“If I have to lay an egg for my country, I’ll do it.” Bob Hope

“Until you walk a mile in another man’s moccasins you can’t imagine the smell.”  Robert Byrne

“Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.”  Phyllis Diller

“I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.”  Steven Wright

Find a few funny quotes from this brief collection and try remembering one or two. Then, at that special moment, with expert timing you can stop, smile, then frown and say, “Now what was that funny quote again?”

Feegs

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