Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.

~ Rodney Dangerfield ~

Welcome to Wobbly Bottom

October 27th, 2011 ~ Est. reading time: 1 min, 50 secs

A wobbly what?

‘What’s that?’ the salesperson yells across the store

‘You think your backside is too big for that size?

I’ll try and find something bigger. But don’t hold your hopes up.’


That’s the thing about having a bottom. You can’t escape it. So when it starts going a bit, well, feral, you’re saddled with the thing.

There’s no comfort in the fact that you, of all people, can’t even see it. If anything, that makes things worse. ‘Does my butt look too big in this?’ is one of those earnest questions seeking one part curiosity and three parts reassurance.

Being unable to get a proper look, you have no way of telling what’s happening back there. Basically, your butt is hiding from you. So there’s no way of knowing how big it looks, aside from clothes that don’t fit, and bellowing salespeople.

Which is not to say people don’t try finding out for themselves. A friend of ours recently tried to catch her backside unawares.  Whilst it was napping, you could say. She figured the best approach was doing a quick drawer. Standing in front of the bathroom mirror and making a rapid twist round to at least catch a glimpse.

But it was no good. Worse, she spent the rest of the week nursing a pulled back muscle. All for a passing peek – a vague shadow – of her elusive posterior.

As I see it, there are 3 ways to, um, handle a wobbly bottom…

First and most obvious is getting fitter. Just walking more to give the glutes their due. Being the largest muscle in the body, they do well with a workout.

Then, there’s the benefit of having a supporter. Somebody who will say you are fine and that your bottom is doing splendidly well (whatever its shape). Even if your clothes say something else, isn’t it nice to feel accepted for who you are?

Lastly, and I believe most importantly, is to be your own friend. Wise friends know that bottoms come in all shapes and sizes. Yours included.

Big or small, wiggly or wobbly, they are all good at letting you sit down.

So if you aren’t on good terms with your bottom it’s time to make peace. Become friends with your tail. Accept that, though looks matter, there’s far more happiness in living a beautiful life than being a slave to skin.  It won’t stop you wondering about how your butt looks. But it will remind you of a forgotten secret. That happiness and satisfaction come from living life well, in ways even we can happily see.


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