Scallywag

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.

~ John Barrymore ~

Wedding Wisdom

November 30th, 2012 ~ Est. reading time: 2 mins, 42 secs

Which gets the most attention: the wedding or the relationship?

I call it wedding fever. It’s that stage you go through in your relationship when the wedding event dominates everything. Bookings, flowers, outfits, the wedding dress, and all the rest occupy every waking moment.

What music should be played? Who will we invite? What shall we eat? And, how long should the wedding ceremony be? Decisions, decisions! It’s like planning the Olympics… only smaller and with a cake.

Naturally, it’s a wonderful occasion and celebrating the coming together of two people in love with each other is a heart-warming event. That’s what makes a wedding unique. For its sheer sense of occasion, no housewarming, baby shower, or birthday party can hold a candle to a marriage gathering.

And yet, in so many weddings, something is missing. Yes, the couple love each other. That’s generally a given. But while there’s so much attention directed to the occasion, precious little consideration goes into developing the wedding couple’s relationship.

Once the hoo ha has died down, the couple driven off, and the guests have left, it’s on with the business of getting on. Yes, post wedding many married couples escape on a high expectation honeymoon that’s meant to magically “make it all happen”. But, whether they do or they don’t, the important part has already started.

How we get on with each other is the crux of every relationship. But, for the most part, this essential element is left to chance. Despite spending a small fortune on a memorable wedding, most couples spend nothing on investing in how to love each other better in the years to come.

Maybe it’s an ego thing. “I don’t need to learn how to love my partner better. After all, we’re getting married. Isn’t that enough?” As seasoned campaigners in love know these sound like famous last words. Being the relationship equivalent of Titanic directives, they reveal an alarming naivety, inviting post wedding disaster.

I know I’m being alarmist. After all, in most nations, a full 50% of marriages “make it.” But, what about the other half? How many well-meaning weddings go ahead, only to founder a few short years later when the going gets rough?

If lovers getting married feel they deserve the best then they need to include some relationship counselling in the lead up to their wedding. By all means, they should read books on the subject and talk to people in long-term love relationships. By talking to couples who have been married for years and asking for advice they can see what is right and perhaps what’s not. By planning to still be in love when you’re old by learning what works and what doesn’t before you’ve begun is prudent sense.

Being in love 30 years on, Ruth and I are glad to be sharing life together as each other’s lover and best friend. Our wedding now is just a distant happy memory. It was lovely, but it’s not especially relevant. What mattered back then has either been refined or winnowed out. So anything remotely selfish, immature, or fickle, has long been thrown overboard to make room for a better life together as we keep on growing up.

If someone in your life is getting married soon and their wedding is swallowing their attention, encourage them to look further into their relationship. A good marriage, as you know, is a shelter for many and a haven of togetherness. While a bad marriage is, well, like a living hell. Nobody plans for the latter. Yet neither do they actually plan for the former either.

Paving the way for a happier, more loving relationship ahead is the best wedding investment anyone in love can make. If only we thought of it as a wedding essential and not just “icing on the cake.”

Darling! There’s A Wedding At The Door

Happy Marriage Myths

Funny Wedding Thoughts

 

 

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