Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

~ Satchel Paige ~

So Wrong Love Songs

February 17th, 2012 ~ Est. reading time: 2 mins, 4 secs

Love me, love my song.

I love records. Mixing your own tracks from some online source just isn’t the same.

Even CDs have more character.

What you get with song compilations is a mix of things you never intended to get. But if you were desperate to play anything, then you’d buy by the picture on the cover. Either way, they are, or were, inevitably good, bad and always unforgettable at once. I mean, albums like:

  • “Truck Drivin’ Cat With Nine Wives” by Julian Nesbitt,
  • ”Dungaree Doll” by Mitch Miller and the Sandpipers, and that memorable pearl,
  • “The Accordian Swingsters”

…were enough to put a dampener on any evening.

Or what about:

  • The Turtles Present The Battle of the Bands”
  • “Piledriver” (a wrestling album) by Hulk Hogan, and
  • Happy Songs for Happy Kids and Kittens” by the Hollywood Orchestra and Singers?

Hard to love, but truly amazing.

Then there were the albums built on a single hit. No side B for these. Entire albums got filled with whatever else they could find lying around. So you could expect one or two greats that you loved to listen to, and flinch at the other dozen only a deaf mother could love. But that was all part of what was really a happy experience.

My favorite ditties will always be those so wrong songs that make you cringe and giggle at once. Never mind:

  • “Who Let the Dogs Out” by the Baha Men
  • “I’m Too Sexy” by Right Said Fred
  • “Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road”
  • “Barbie Girl” (watch out for the Dutch version)
  • “Stuck With You” by Huey Lewis and The News (Nothing like romance, huh?)
  • “Achy Break Heart” (Ouch!)
  • “Muskrat Love” by The Captain & Teneille, and
  • “Havin’ My Baby” by Paul Anka.

Or the truly obscure:

  • “Bidi jailaile jigar se piya jigar ma badi aag hai” (Indian for “Light a cigarette by your liver because liver has a lot of fire”), and
  • “There’s a Redback on the Toilet Seat” (an Aussie song about being bitten on the bottom by a spider akin to a black widow).

The sad fact is that there are thousands of woefully lame songs out there about feelings that would have been best kept private. Some, being so painful, flat out hilarious, even if they also leave you begging for mercy.

Teasing, I love playing some of these duds to Ruth now and then. She barely bats an eyelid, until she cottons onto the lyrics. Knowing my crazy sense of humor so well, she just laughs at me for being such a fool. But I like that. I know she loves me for simply being silly old me.

So ultimately, even the stupidest array of so wrong love songs and embarrassing tracks are more than fun, they’re fine with the right company. Who could guess something so wrong could be so right? You’ve got to love that.



What about your pick of so wrong love songs? What’s the worst track of all time?



  1. Simone says:

    “Dance, Dance, Dance (Yowsah, Yowsah, Yowsah”