Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

~ Anthony Burgess ~

Not Another Marriage Compatibility Test

May 26th, 2013 ~ Est. reading time: 1 min, 55 secs

No marriage compatibility test can tell you how good your relationship will be.

No marriage compatibility test can tell you how good your relationship will be.

Purposely, I am not offering you a marriage compatibility test. More than that, I actively discourage people from using them.

Why? Because marriage is far too complex and crucial for some superficial marriage compatibility test to measure. Especially, when a lot of “tests” are based on made up astrological forecasts or someone’s skewed judgment.

These reasons and the caliber of the assessments themselves make them a joke at best. So if your heart is set on it and you still want to do a marriage compatibility test, bear in mind they can you next to nothing of significance about your relationship.

What matters is beyond the scope of hokey tests and a well-meaning questionnaire. Like the subtleties of how you communicate, how good-natured the male partner is (apparently that’s a factor), and what you have in common deserves much more than a quick quiz.

Perhaps the single biggest issue that causes marriage problems is the lack of thought beforehand. Not that anyone can ever know everything they need to. But some pre-marriage preparation is far more worthwhile than any marriage compatibility test lifted off the Internet could possibly be.

Still, it’s a factor in human nature that we tend not to prepare for potential problems. Instead, we throw most of our energy into having a good time (with the wedding) and picturing how good life will be afterwards (which, in fairness, are fun pastimes). But life-planning needs more than that doesn’t it? Like a marriage compatibility test, wishful thinking and cruising along letting the good times roll is never going to be enough to prevent a relationship train wreck.

So what will? What is required to be more prepared? Having dismissed off the cuff marriage compatibility tests, I suggest finding out about pre-marriage classes, reading, and speaking with wise people for additional insights. Asking married couples that you respect for their thoughts, and doing some online research about the subject broadens your horizons. In the process we:

  • Sharpen our awareness about our mutual and individual strengths (and weaknesses)
  • Discover more about what couples find most challenging, and
  • Highlight ways to handle real problems as they arise.

Will that be enough? If you mean, “Will that guarantee our relationship will work?” then no amount of pre-marriage preparation can promise that. But it definitely helps. Dispelling any suggestions that a marriage compatibility test or wishful silver bullet solution will tell you anything essential, it will give you a vital head start. Because every couple benefits from learning how to live, love, and work together in a practical and empowering way.

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