Scallywag

It is not so much our friends' help that helps us, as the confidence of their help.

~ Epicurus ~

Love As An Island

November 10th, 2012 ~ Est. reading time: 1 min, 42 secs

Can you love when you’re lonely?

It’s hard to love when you’re alone. It feels like a contradiction. How can you love with all your heart when you feel cut off from everyone?

Living like an island, keeping everyone at bay certainly does make it harder to love. Not that people strictly need to love us back for us to love outwards. But it helps.

The process of being vulnerable and allowing people to make connections with us is some of the substantial aspects of what love does. It exposes us to the risk of rejection and to the supreme pleasure of outright acceptance. Everybody loves that.

You might think it’s silly talking about love as an island. Surely it’s so obvious, nobody would do that. But they do, and perhaps, sometimes, you might do it too.

Because it’s hard to be open to others and love when we get hurt. In a way, it’s like trying to laugh when you’re crying. The two seem mutually exclusive. But that’s exactly what maturity enables you and I to do.

At some point in our adult growing up, you might be blessed by the conclusion that it’s not the bad stuff that need define you, but what you choose to think and do. That means daring to love when you don’t feel too lovely. And being brave enough to love without expecting anything back. Not to be some kind of martyr, believing you don’t deserve it. But because it’s what you believe in. That’s what maturity lets you do.

That also explains what many think is a mystery. How is it that so many older people are so incredibly lovely? Maybe a few are born that way. But I attribute this beauty as a byproduct of wisdom. You don’t have to have many years on you to get it. But it helps.

In the end though, loving others as an island builds too many bridges to keep anyone an island for long. With each new bond of trust, you are less alone. Less isolated by feelings of loneliness and more joined by the intimacy of trust than separateness could ever allow.

When you love, despite your separation, your island’s isolation dissipates. Thanks to your warmth and outward view, you make yourself a safe and inviting destination where others want to be. Aloha!

Feegs

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