It's unfortunate and I really wish I wouldn't have to say this, but I really like human beings who have suffered. They're kinder.

~ Emma Thompson ~

Its Gotta Be Perfect

January 10th, 2013 ~ Est. reading time: 2 mins, 12 secs

How long can anyone look perfect?

Fairground Action’s perfect theme has become part of our thinking about relationships these days. Lyrics like, “So many people take second best but I won’t take anything less…” say it all about our desire not to get hurt and get our love match right.

But how can we do that? Is perfect possible in any relationship? Or, is it simply part of the wonderful whirl of being smitten with someone new?

When you fall head over heels with that guy or that girl, you know how it goes. In your mind’s eye, they are perfect in every way. In that captivated state, their imperfections seem cute, clever, or even… original.

Yet, the shine wears off after a while so that the clever thing he does with his sox hanging over the sink actually starts looking kind of gross. And what’s with the empty toilet rolls left for posterity? It used to be cute. But now, it feels thoughtless.

I guess them being perfect is about as doable as us fitting into those self-same shoes. Cinderella or not, we all have flaws. Just as Prince Charming isn’t quite all his title makes him out to be.

Trying to avoid falling into an infatuated state with Mr. You-Must-Be-Kidding needs a bit of reserve and a clear sense of who you are. Just as it’s vital to know enough about yourself, to avoid falling into the perfection deception.

Hollywood and Bollywood peddle these delusions because they’re neat, appealing, and audiences lap them up. But it’s ridiculously wrong that popular media feeds so much disappointment and confusion into newfound relationships. Perfection, for all its charm, simply isn’t human.

Instead of finding the perfect relationship, people need to explore what clicks and also what doesn’t. What values do you share, and how do you deal with disagreements?

Of course, there’s a lot more to couplehood than that. But I get the impression people are spending less time getting to know each other and more feeling like they have to consummate their relationship in some perfect way to prove they’re okay.

It takes time and togetherness to give intimacy its meaning. Without that understanding and commitment, the race to the bed turns togetherness into a rather empty affair. Appreciating and accepting come from listening and expressing ourselves, reaffirming that talking matters enormously. Things can feel right, but that doesn’t infer they’re perfect.

By taking down some of our unrealistic conditions, it’s easier to see what is lovely in someone else and what needs to be accepted. While, the perfect union illusion forces our hand to insist on conditions that nobody can continually deliver. We should have standards inherent in our values. But beware of those with a checklist mindset. Connection, attraction, respect, and admiration come together when we share common attitudes to life. Just as our own capacity to relate deeply determines the kind of people we choose to meet.

It can’t be perfect, but it does need to be fulfilling and full of meaning to be worth it. Nobody should ever take anything less.

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