Scallywag

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

~ Groucho Marx ~

How Men Shop For Christmas…and Birthdays Too!

December 22nd, 2011 ~ Est. reading time: 1 min, 32 secs

What will he bring home this time for Christmas?

First of all, the disclaimers. No men were harmed in the making of this blog post (though some had their egos slightly bruised). No undue carbon release occurred (over and above the usual), and I have signed a waiver giving permission for women and enlightened men to laugh at how men buy presents for birthdays and Christmas. There. Done.

Picture this: a stereotypical man with a wife and kids. He knows that Christmas is coming. His kids have been pestering him for months about it, and his wife has dropped a few none too subtle hints about what she’d like for Christmas. So how does he plan his Christmas strategy? He doesn’t! That’s step one.

Step two. Leave everything to do with presents to the very last minute. This approach is employed by so many men everywhere that some stores specially cater for a final wave of panicked men surging through their doors. Waving their arms about and brandishing credit cards and cash to buy almost anything that’s not bolted down, Christmas shopping men believe they’re taking it for the team. With this’ll do determination and only hours to spare, they bravely face the challenge of overcoming the Christmas shopping problem

Step three. You’ve got to have the right Christmas mindset. Just get in there, find something, then get out and drag it home. Put a club in one hand of your average Christmas shopping man and wrap him in animal hide and you get the idea. Fossilized remains of early pre-Christmas shopping man revealed very similar features.

Whilst looking around, Christmas shopping man tries to remember all the hints and direct begging for presents that have peppered virtually every conversation for the past three months.  Nope. Can’t remember. Never mind. Unlike radio DJs, Christmas shopping man doesn’t do requests.

So if you enjoy your regular talc and toaster again this year, understand why men shop this way. Christmas shopping man has not yet evolved enough to handle this particular skill. But his descendents will in some faraway future era. In the meantime, be kind to your own clueless Christmas shopping man. After all, he can’t be good at everything.

Feegs

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