Scallywag

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

~ Mae West ~

He Said I Talk Down To Him

July 9th, 2012 ~ Est. reading time: 1 min, 53 secs

He said I talk down to him a lot. But is he too tetchy for his own good?

He said i talk down to him” Well do you? Most often, the reply would be an emphatic no. The problem is not women talking down to their man, but the way their partner interprets it.

You might say, “Well that’s their problem” and, in a sense, that’ true. Yet, good communication is never a matter of one person satisfying themselves with a conversation. Connecting well is, implicitly, a shared experience. So if your partner says you’re talking down to him, it’s a red flag suggesting there may be deeper issues that need covering.

Those with a fragile sense of self will react to anything that remotely comes across as criticism. A simple, assertive tone could well be construed as belittling; when all you wanted to say was the truth in an even and openhanded way. If “he said I talk down to him” then it’s time to do some reaffirming. Let him know how you really feel and reassure him you respect him. Technically, you might feel you shouldn’t have to do this. But in reality, we all have our weaknesses. Be honest and strong. But also be tender and considerate.

Somewhere in the mix is the cause of the miscommunication and it could be triggered by any number of reasons. So cover all bases with a healthy combination of honesty and kindness combined. But if that doesn’t work and he still says you talk down to him, you have to be frank about how you feel too. Sometimes, people are completely unreasonable, and no amount of placating will put things right.

Saying “he said I talk down to him” might also be a product of perspective. An assertive partner who knows what she means may overwhelm a more sensitive fellow who takes what you say in a different way. In this case, communicating in an affirming manner can be a big help. Prefacing your opinions with “I feel…” takes at least some of the threat level down as people can recognize we are all entitled to our own feelings (even if they disagree).  Men, I have to say, despite protestations to the contrary, are often quite soft on the inside. That means it’s good to go slow and take care. A sharp bite back is likely to be the sign a raw nerve has been hit. And, sometimes, you might want to find your self wise advice if you’re feeling overwhelmed. We all need space to grow (partners included), so be encouraged. A bruised and smarting ego is a sign of growing pains and, if handled well, can lead to a deepening relationship and unfolding maturity.

Feegs

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