Scallywag

The only true happiness comes from squandering ourselves for a purpose.

~ William Cowper (1731 - 1800) ~

Greek Orthodox Church And Bulletin Bloopers

August 24th, 2012 ~ Est. reading time: 2 mins, 16 secs

You’re kidding right? These aren’t really bloopers from Greek Orthodox Church bulletins, are they?

What do the Greek Orthodox Church and bulletin bloopers have to do with each other? Not a lot really. After all, they could have appeared in any church newsletter (and somehow, I suspect they did). But, regardless whether they are Greek Orthodox or not, these unintended bulletin ambiguities appeared in my email today and gave me a smile. I hope they do for you too…

  1. “Please note: the Fasting & Prayer Conference will include meals.”
  2. “Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands!”
  3. “The message this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” Tonight’s special message: “Searching for Jesus.” “
  4. “The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled, because of a clash with the choir singers.”
  5. “Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.”
  6. “Smile at someone who is hard to love and say a warm “hell” to someone who isn’t too friendly.”
  7. “Don’t let worry kill you off – the Church can help.”
  8. “Miss Elekrta Andreou sang “I Will Not Pass This Way Again”, which delighted the congregation.”
  9. “For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.”
  10. “Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. Please come along as they need all the help they can get.”
  11. “The Priest will deliver his farewell message after which the choir will sing:  “Break Forth Into Joy.””
  12. “Spiros Diametris and Aphrodite Papakostas were married on October 24 in the Church, ending a friendship that began in their school days!”
  13. “A vegetarian bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.”
  14. “At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.”
  15. “Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.”
  16. “Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds go to cripple children.”
  17. “Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.”
  18. “The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.”
  19. “Pot luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.”
  20. “The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. Come and see them in the basement on Friday afternoon.”
  21. “Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in hall after the B. S. is done.”
  22. “The Priest would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.”
  23. “Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM Church Hall (please use large double door at the side entrance).”
  24. “Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.”
  25. “The nearby high school’s eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church basement this Friday at 7 PM.  As part of the congregation why not come along and watch this great tragedy?”

(Thanks to my old friend, Jim D. for passing this, his Greek Orthodox Church and bulletin bloopers list, on to us. Any complaints will be forwarded on to him!)

 

Feegs

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