Scallywag

It is a curious thought, but it is only when you see people looking ridiculous that you realize how much you love them.

~ Agatha Christie ~

Feeling Abused

June 2nd, 2013 ~ Est. reading time: 2 mins, 19 secs

It takes more than time to overcome being abused.

It takes more than time to overcome being abused.

How many people have been abused?  Researchers say the numbers are so great it’s an epidemic. Feeling like you have lost a full sense of your self-worth and control, I understand half the pain remains in the echoes that keep rippling out, even though the events themselves have long gone.

In breaking trust, shattering innocence, and destroying relationship, abusers spread their own mess. It’s a disturbing situation. Yet it happens and keeps on happening, in your town, neighborhood, and within your own street.

How many people find themselves abused by trusted family friends, community leaders, or else by someone in the family itself, makes an appalling statistic. Only, it’s not numbers we’re talking about. It’s people.

Incomprehensible when are exploring aspects of happiness. Yet, because being abused is part of the despair and pain of real life, it’s relevant. You cannot overlay being happy onto an inner world of trauma without it causing intense internal conflict. Yet, isn’t that what so many happy clappy types try to “enforce”?

I believe it’s mistaken to make people act happy when they are suffering. It’s like insisting people laugh at a tragic funeral. If somebody is carrying the pain of having been abused they need to be allowed to grieve whether that fits or not.

But it doesn’t always happen that way, does it? Someone well meaning insists you wipe that “sad face” away, lighten up, and “get excited” because “life is for living” (by which they mean: those who grieve aren’t living “properly”). By doing this they deny the opportunity to be your true self and live with the dignity of emotional honesty.

To me, much less jumping up and down and razzing people round would be better. Instead of rejecting people’s sincerity it’s better to listen with humility and integrity. For people traumatized and abused, shutting them out and denying the validity of their grief is yet another kind of abuse in itself.

When well-intentioned people shove happiness in other people’s faces as a way to control the situation not only is that inappropriate, it’s ugly. In a twisted way, happiness in insensitive hands can itself become a sinister instrument. Which makes you wonder: how many people keep being mistreated like this?

To every person who is reading who feels used or is still hurting inside from having been abused, I want you to know that happiness – the real kind – is for you too. Maybe not now, or even sometime soon, but when are ready. The ignorance of people trying to emotionally suppress you is their problem and you don’t need to own it. Rather, it’s best to be as real as you can with your own understandings and compassion to make the best life you’re continuing to create.

Even if you don’t have a history of abuse yourself the potential that somebody you know has suffered these experiences is great (whether we are aware of it or not). So every wise person needs to exercise patience and accept that unutterable pain is never far away. We need to remember to quell our impatience and simply let people be who they choose to be. Because, ultimately, that is the best way to build people up.

Colleagues And Bosses Who Bully

Is Kindness Wishy-Washy?

Because It’s Power Abuse

Feegs

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