Virtue and genuine graces in themselves speak what no words can utter.

~ William Shakespeare ~

Dark Side Of Nice

April 11th, 2013 ~ Est. reading time: 2 mins, 38 secs

There's something not right about always being nice.

There’s something not right about always being nice.

There’s an element to nice that’s quite nasty, a dark side of secrets and ill intent. If that surprises you, read on. If not, then you already know.

On then face of things, being nice is lovely. Like manners, “nice” is a social lubricant that helps keep everyone on good terms. But there is a limit.

When somebody is so very incredibly nice all the time to a point where it feels kind of odd, trust your gut feelings. Because chances are, they are right.

At some point, “nice” crosses a line to become a mask. We can hide behind being nice and nobody can assail us, seeing as we are too pleasant to be accused of anything.

But it takes a lot of effort to be that polite and seemingly perfect. It also takes strong motivation too. Continuously niceness can be a compensation for other things that aren’t. And, while not all who are hiding a nasty side, I suspect many do.

It’s a complicated subject. But I thought it was a good counterpoint after talking about being sweet yesterday (just in case you feel I’m going too soft).

Being nice all the time to an excessive level may be intended or unintentional. But it’s a strong sign something is awry and you ought to proceed with caution.

I perceive that this kind of constant and undue niceness is tied to displacement and projection. By throwing focus off a person’s wider behaviour, it directs attention to what’s socially valued. So, as far as smokescreens go, being nice all the time really can throw people off the scent of whatever else is going on.

Once again, let me stress that there are plenty of people who are genuinely nice in an agreeable way and they aren’t hiding anything. But it’s worth reflecting on whether people are being excessively pleasant or not if you happen to come across this situation.

Personally, I find the term “nice” a double edge sword, being something pleasant but a bit insipid. Yet, if there was a choice between somebody being nice or nasty, I’ll go for nice every time.

Having spent so much time reflecting on happiness and beauty over the last ten years, I conclude that a lot of people who offer advice on living well are prone to displacement. By putting out plenty of nice advice they can hide their own nasty side. Typically, these same people rant about the terrible nature of a certain group in society and hammer a message of hatred, hidden by their apparent good will and super nice image.

So, in case I’m doing the same but am oblivious to it, I need to profess my humanness and refuse to try to impress anyone with anything that looks like super nice perfection (as that would definitely be a deception).

Fortunately, I’m not the proud type. Nor am I into power, because my many flaws provide plenty to temper anything that would look like reckless ego. Which means I can be nice and even better, but not all the time.

So beware of gurus and shysters peddling happiness with ultra nice ways. We are all human, capable of great good and much bad. Though you already know that, some people’s persuasiveness can be very compelling (which itself is something to be careful of).

That’s why it comes down to remembering that fine people will reveal weakness now and then, and that is certainly a healthy sign. However, those who never show anything but an image of perfection are simply not giving you the whole story. Being super nice all the time implies there’s more to the situation than meets the eye and that deserves care.

Beware Of False Freienships

Welcome To Wobbly Bottom

What’s Wrong With Being “Nice”?




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