Scallywag

To turn an obstacle to one's advantage is a great step towards victory.

~ French Proverb ~

Australia and Vacation and Surfing and Stuff

June 2nd, 2012 ~ Est. reading time: 1 min, 38 secs

Forget about coming to Australia on vacation for surfing and kangaroo riding.

Let me set the record straight: your average Australian doesn’t go surfing daily, commute to work on the back of a kangaroo, wrestle Tasmanian devils that spin around at high speed going “ooga ooga” or wear hats with corks hanging from them while cracking open cans of beer at work. It’s a total illusion. As far as I know, only half of Australians do that. Even then, only Tasmanians do the “ooga ooga” thing.

So put it out of your mind. All that “Australia and vacation and surfing stuff” is rubbish. Come to Australia and as soon as you get off the plane you’re taken to a workhouse and attached to a treadmill with all the other travellers. Here, you’ll grind corn and sing slow, deep-voiced songs of lament, about the time you considered coming to Australia for your vacation and a spot of surfing.

All right, I’m exaggerating. Border Protection only detain a few tourists. But it does keep the milling industry running at full capacity. Bring a surfboard with you into Australia and you’re likely to be kept longer. It’s only fair. After all, surfboards are sharp pointy things, and we can’t have weapons like that being brought into the country. We’re so careful about sharp things in our house, all our knives are as blunt as blazes, and even the cats’ teeth are on the mild side. But that’s okay, seeing as we eat our meals through straws. Yep, except when wrestling crocodiles, Australians are generally gentle.

Now I know this is hard to swallow (here, try one of our straws) but, thanks to the tyranny of distance, things do get a bit distorted. True, kids go surfing here down at the beach every other day. And yes, when students come to stay with us on exchange, they sometimes choose to do surfing studies at college. But the idea that Australia is a land of vacations and surfing is overhyped. That and all the talk of barbecues and wild animals. We only have barbecues once a week, if that! And, as for wild animals, we don’t even notice the cockatoos, bluetongue lizards, rosella parrots, galahs, bandicoots, echidnas, and wallabies everywhere. Honestly, when it comes to the whole “Australia and vacation and surfing thing” some people have no idea…

Feegs

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