Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

~ Mark Twain ~

Are You Looking for Love in All the Right Places?

May 31st, 2012 ~ Est. reading time: 2 mins, 45 secs

Am I looking for love in the right places?

Seems to me that a lot of people are missing something, Instead of looking for love in all the right places, they look everywhere else. By love, I simply mean finding someone who cares for you and treasures you for who you are.

Yet where do so many head off to meet? In dingy bars or pubs where everyone waters down their awareness with alcohol. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not passing judgment. Merely observing that these factors work against forming deep and long-lasting love relationships.

Same goes for clubs where noise levels prevent nuanced conversation. In the fit-inducing strobe light, concepts like character are stripped, leaving not much more than flesh. Fun for some. But hardly ideal. If you were looking for love in all the right places, then I would scratch these off the list.

Does that mean nobody ever meets their sweetheart in bars or clubs? No, people do. But it’s less likely. So where do you go? To answer, let’s backtrack…

Consider what we are really looking for. If you were desperate to meet someone who would sweep you off your feet, it’s unrealistic to expect draping yourself somewhere will make it happen. Then there’s that small issue of not being able to control what other people do that makes it even trickier.  Better to get back to working out more about yourself and what’s driving you than forcing yourself into social situations, merely to grab a guy or catch a girl on the fly.

Longing to be loved is, I believe, a fundamental part of being human. We naturally want to be needed and appreciated. For many, that specifically means finding a mate. Yet it needn’t be so. To be surrounded by good family members and dear friends can fulfill many of those needs. Being surrounded by their love, desperation can soothed into desiring, so that excessive craving can surrender to perspective. It’s a mistake to think love is defined solely by couplehood; even if finding a partner is a priority.

Two aspects have an impact on how we go: self and social circle. Self influences how we present.  But talk about personal improvement and people frequently fall into self-blame or else defensiveness, for fear they need to change. Yet it’s fair to say that we all have antisocial aspects to our actions. Which means polishing our rough edges can help. Enlist the support of a trusted friend or two and, chances are, they’ll point out a few areas for growth. Confronting as this is, what you glean could be priceless.

Then, there’s the obvious effect of adapting our social circle. Sure, we have friends and know of lots of people. But if we want to meet more, then we need to turn our social realm into a moving feast of contacts. Pursuing new interests and looking for areas where there’s a steady turnover of people is ideal. Rather than churning through too quickly, initiating a steady, more sustainable flow of people in your life may be more enjoyable. Examples include:

  • Getting involved in themed discussion groups on the Internet
  • Joining outwardly-focused clubs, like Rotary or The Lions Club (find some in your area that appeal)
  • Going to different places to shop, eat, and vacation
  • Offering more hospitality by inviting new people to your home from a wider circle of association
  • Attending free functions of interest to you
  • Going to conferences, and
  • Volunteering.

If finding a partner is your goal then don’t sweat on it. Instead, focus on widening the stream of people entering your life and work on making yourself more agreeable. Looking for love in all the right places might sound trite and trivial, but life has its seasons. Sometimes, it might just be where we’re at (besides, you can also apply these same approaches to building a more extensive friendship base). If you’re looking for love and not finding it, now is time to try something different.





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