Scallywag

I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell my children that they just about throw up.

~ Barbara Bush ~

A Happy Marriage Approach

October 5th, 2012 ~ Est. reading time: 2 mins, 30 secs

What? Happy AND married?

Fact: marriage isn’t for everyone. But for people who adopt a balanced attitude, marriage can offer a tremendous experience of affection and intimacy.

Frequently, people like to blame marriage for all sorts of reasons and accuse it of ruining their life. Then, they blame their partner for a litany of misgivings. So, it’s not surprising we have such a jaundiced view of marriage in action. But does it have to be that way?

Generally, there are a few things that we as couples do. We tend to pair up and marry people who are both as adequate and inadequate as we are (only in different ways).  Then, when the “they can do no wrong” stage of love gives way, we are confronted with the realization of what we don’t like. Too many, it seems, throw the towel in around then, thinking that’s the end of the show. Yet, what they don’t know is that the problems that unfold in marriage aren’t throwing stones. They are actually stepping stones.

That we don’t know the difference comes from a lot of spurious advice and our own misinformation. Our attitude to marriage is often remarkably selfish, and covertly, we carry a host of ultimatums. If our partner breaks even one, trouble is inevitable.  But isn’t that the reality of any deep and sustained relationship? Trouble is inevitable, and it always takes wisdom and a good heart to overcome it.

Reading an article online about marriage from the British Daily Mail by Tanith Carey, I was struck by its lack of intimacy. Writing about Susan Shapiro Barash’s book, The Nine Phases Of Marriage: How To Make It, Break It, Keep It, the article summarized those stages. Yet, I couldn’t help wondering what kind of marriage they were talking about. To me, the way it was described felt surprisingly cold; more like an arrangement than a meeting of hearts and minds.

Marriage, in this article, had all the feeling of a home loan, and if that’s what marriage is, then you can be assured it certainly will be rocky, isolating, and desperately unsatisfying.

A happy marriage approach needs to have its roots in mutual respect, awareness, and all the other qualities of character we can muster. Why? Well, as marriage for procreation seeks convenience, a marriage of souls becomes an unfolding adventure. Both rely on our honest approach to life to create a relationship of lasting satisfaction.

Predictably, there will be drama, storms, and intense pressure. Just as there’ll be soaring highs and times of pure delight. But all in all, a steady approach to marriage is woven all the way through with a great deal of love and loyalty.

In the end, happiness in marriage is the byproduct of personal growth and our qualities. Though it’s easy to blame deficiencies on our partner, we are the ones in charge of our happiness.  Yet, in so many ways, they take their lead from us.

In Happy: How To Have A Beautiful Life Now I reveal how a happy marriage approach works to make relationships glow. But getting there takes a willingness, and that motivation needs dedication.

Marriage, on its own, isn’t much of anything. What makes it so interesting, dangerous, and amazing is the two people pledged within it. So, if your marriage isn’t firing on all pistons, let me encourage you. Read further and discover more within what you have. Growing is never easy, is it? But do it together and the future can be far more fulfilling than anywhere else you’ve ever been.

Feegs

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