Scallywag

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

~ Anthony Burgess ~

25 Funny Sayings And “Qoutes”

April 29th, 2013 ~ Est. reading time: 1 min, 49 secs

did you say "funny sayings and qoutes"? What's a "qwout"?

Did you say “funny sayings and qoutes”? I love “qwouts” almost as much as donuts!

Yes, you detected correctly. It’s not “funny sayings and qoutes” it’s  “quotes”, isn’t it? But being in a contrarian mood, I liked the idea of changing it round (especially as it it’s fitting for the subject).

Besides, saying funny sayings and “qoutes” highlights the way we think. We see differences more than sameness, which explains why variety enlivens us and why repetition is so wearisome.

That’s why I have supplied a fresh serving of 26 funny sayings and (oh no) “qoutes”, just for you:

  1. “Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain. And most do.” Anon
  2. “Confusion not only reigns, it pours.” Anon
  3. “Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television.”  Woody Allen
  4. “Stupidity in a woman is unwomanly.”  Friedrich Nietzsche
  5. “Why do we say something is out of whack?  What is a whack?” Anon
  6.  “Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?” Anon
  7. “Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.” Anon
  8. “Don’t squat with your spurs on.” Old cowboy saying
  9. Don’t use a big word where a diminutive option will suffice.” Anon
  10. “The hardest thing in the world to understand is income taxes.”  Albert Einstein
  11. “Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.” Anon
  12. “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.”  Isaac Asimov
  13. “I put so much thought into your gift it’s now too late to get it.” Anon
  14. “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”  Steven Wright
  15. “If evolution is fact, why do mothers only have two hands?” Milton Berle
  16. “I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.” Unknown
  17. “Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits and then complain that he’s not the man she married?” Barbra Streisand
  18. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” Oscar Wilde
  19. “What is it with Santa? Works one day a year and spends the other 364 days judging who has been naughty or nice.” Anon
  20. “My life has a superb cast but I can’t figure out the plot.” Ashleigh Brilliant
  21. “Every morning is the dawn of a new error.” Anon
  22. “The four most important words in any marriage…’Ill do the dishes.'” Anon
  23. “A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.”  Emo Philips
  24.  “You can’t have everything…where would you put it?” Steven Wright
  25. “He who hesitates is probably right.” Anon

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Feegs

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